Missing myself

So friends, I don’t seem to be able to leave this numb bubble I’ve been in since my dad passed away.
I eat, sleep, talk, cook, walk and everything else one does during a day but without feeling anything or at least only a little, I have absolutely no energy or enthusiasm for what life offers. 
Usually I would look at the sun feeling happy it’s there but now I’m only shrugging my shoulders...
I miss myself!!!
I’m really trying hard to look at life as I usually do, think positive, see the good things and appreciate the smallest but I never break through.
Maybe it’s all the laughing as a family through the years, all the wise talks about life or just the familiar rituals that now are missing...
Or maybe it’s this rough passed year in general for us as a family in our “new” old hometown, a midlife crisis or a combination of all of it.
Whatever it is I want myself back. 
I do see the sun peeking through sometimes, I laugh and I can feel good. It’s only that it’s not so often any longer.
A beautiful friend of mine suggested me to allow myself to be in this state of mind without feeling pressured to move on, wait for it to pass because it will, let someone else drive and just be the passenger for a while...
Maybe that will help. Just riding along.
Definitely worth a try:)
So just writing this down I feel there is light in the tunnel.
For now, that is good enough!


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