Missing myself
Cuckoo!
So friends, I don’t seem to be able to leave this numb bubble I’ve been in since my dad passed away.
I eat, sleep, talk, cook, walk and everything else one does during a day but without feeling anything or at least only a little, I have absolutely no energy or enthusiasm for what life offers.
Usually I would look at the sun feeling happy it’s there but now I’m only shrugging my shoulders...
I miss myself!!!
I’m really trying hard to look at life as I usually do, think positive, see the good things and appreciate the smallest but I never break through.
Maybe it’s all the laughing as a family through the years, all the wise talks about life or just the familiar rituals that now are missing...
Or maybe it’s this rough passed year in general for us as a family in our “new” old hometown, a midlife crisis or a combination of all of it.
Whatever it is I want myself back.
I do see the sun peeking through sometimes, I laugh and I can feel good. It’s only that it’s not so often any longer.
A beautiful friend of mine suggested me to allow myself to be in this state of mind without feeling pressured to move on, wait for it to pass because it will, let someone else drive and just be the passenger for a while...
Maybe that will help. Just riding along.
Definitely worth a try:)
So just writing this down I feel there is light in the tunnel.
For now, that is good enough!
Tjingeling
Skopelos, our last island to visit.
Cuckoo!
Our final island on this trip was Skopelos, the true Mamma Mia island.
A beautiful and green island with dramatical cliffs meeting the turquoise sea and small beaches around every bend of the coastline.
Just stunning!
Skopelos town was as cute with white houses climbing up the hills, narrow and beautifully paved streets filled with shops, tavernas and people.
And yes, of course we went to see the church where the wedding took place in the movie:)
Well worth its climb.
With a nature so majestic it invites you to deeper and philosophical thinking, tavernas everywhere with fresh fishes and other beautiful food and the relaxed friendliness from the people these islands are made for feeling good.
Thank you Greece for everything!
Definitely leaving this country with a heart full of love, tummy full of food and a soul full of new memories.
Till next time:)
Tjingeling
The summer on the islands continues
Cuckoo!
Island number two is covered!
The internet is very slow so it’s difficult to upload pictures but here we go again:)
After Skiathos we took a ferry to the neighbor island Alonnisos to spend a few days of quality time there.
A little less developed island but very green and beautiful.
Many swims have been taken in the crystal clear water, many goats (!) have been overtaken on the roads and many breathtaking views have been experienced.
A charming little village in the mountain which was ruined during a big earthquake in the 60ies has carefully been restored and renovated and offred great view, small winding lanes, tons of tavernas everywhere, and colorful flowers outside the white houses. Unfortunately we only got their in the evenings so almost no pictures to show.
The rest of the island offered beautiful beaches, fishtavernas en masse and the surrounding green vegetation and blue water made you slow down your pulse, eat a lot and just be.
Greece delivers as usual!
Tjingeling
Making holiday memories!
Cuckoo!
For a couple of days now we have been back to our dear Greece for a little holiday on the islands.
Ever since we lived there the spot in my heart where I kept my Greek memories had been tickling and jumping as soon as Greece been mentioned so I’m very excited to finally be back. During our times there 10 years ago we covered a few islands so this time we are focusing on, for us, new paradises.
Skiathos was our first destination...
Despite the boys missing we are creating new beautiful memories.
Beautiful nature, stunning scenery, clear blue water, the sun and warmth, simple tavernas with wonderful food, small and narrow lanes in blue and white, and friendly people have made this trip a success so far.
Tomorrow we are off to the next island...
Tjingeling
Hoorraaay!
Cuckoo!
Today is not any day.
Today it is my beautiful wonderful lovable fluff ball’s second birthday!
Two years of love, affection, frustration, fun, fresh air, lots of walks and many many cuddles.
This dog who was a dream-come-true-we-promise-to-help-to-take-care-of-him-and-take-him-for-walks-kind of thing for the kids but turned out to be only my responsibility and just a softtoy to cuddle with for the kids.
Surprising?
Not at all, only a confirmation that there Is a crack in everything. 😉 Luckily this is how the lights get in:)
I got a best friend.
Someone who gets happy to see me even if I only was gone for a minute.
Someone who is by my side in rain or shine...
A faithful, energizing icebreaker who never seems to get tired of my do’s and dont’s.
I read somewhere that “dogs are not our whole life but they make our lives whole”.
The person who wrote that definitely has a point:)
Tjingeling
Summer at my summerhouse...
Cuckoo!
Im back in my summerparadise!
Family, beach walks, midsummer, lazy mornings and bird songs.
I just love it!
I can also feel a tiny bit of inspiration coming back to me so better grab that feeling before I loose it and maybe start writing my little diary of life again and share it with you:)
Family are coming and going.
It’s difficult to plan something together when priorities are work and to earn some money for the older kids.
To me, although I love the idea of spending time with them, I find it important to have them exposed to the “real” world with real people, real demands and achievements and to have them understand that in order to get payed they have to perform. It’s a step out from their normal comfort zone and bubble they usually live in so im frikkin proud of them.
We are growing up and we are off for a different summer with a few changes in the family constellation but hopefully it will be good enough in another way.
That is the plan!
Tjingeling
Surroundings for contemplating
Cuckoo!
Its so quiet in here 😔.
Nothing much is happening but I love it:)
The weather has really been doing it’s best so i kind of have moved outside.
As the Swede I am I never know how long these beautiful days will last so better take the opportunity to be outside.
And since I am spoiled with beautiful surroundings around my house it is just such a treat.
Mornings are beautiful and evenings are beautiful.
And everything in between:)
Love the ”wilderness”, the water, the view and the man made mix.
I must say that the weather and the beauty around here has wrapped my grief and sadness in a soft blanket and kind of put a padding around all the sharpest edges and made it ‘go-throughable”.
Nature is such a powerful tool in over-all wellness.
Yup, weeks of contemplating and philosophizing in this environment has not been bad:)
Tjingeling
Hello again
Cuckoo!
So how is life here now after my dad passed away?
Well, I’m hanging in there.
Waves of sadness are still hitting me but less frequent and kind of softer.
Ironically it’s all the light and good memories that are causing all the pain now...
But, we, me and my sisters, are slowly getting back to normal although my mom is still in her bubble.
I am having the pleasure of having my mom staying with me for a little while and im trying to fill her days with peace, power and love.
Me and my beautiful sisters are also doing small excursions with her without stress and with lots of beauty for the soul to give her mind a rest and a break from her normal schedule.
The weather is still trying to impress and for some reason it manages to sooth our pain and help us to focus on all the beauty instead that surrounds us both naturewise and peoplewise.
Is It wrong to feel lucky in all this?
Im almost feeling guilty but just so grateful for my family, for the sun and for life...
🦋🦋🦋
Quality...
Cuckoo!
An unexpected holiday for my husband turned into a quality day with his wife:)
The weather, the opportunity and the hunger made us take our boat out in the archipelago to enjoy some “me-and-him-time” together.
It is just a great way to get some energy, find some peace and of course admire our beautiful nature from the water.
The only scary part though was this military ship that created waves like mini tsunamis and I immediately felt small and vulnerable again...
My personal capten maneuvered the boat like he had not been doing anything else in his life so he conquered both the mini tsunamis and the wind and safely got us to an island for a lunch and then back again.
Meanwhile I got some sunshine, some togetherness and something else to think about ( funeral coming up on Friday).
Life quality in a nutshell!
🦋🦋🦋
Back in my summerplace
Cuckoo!
I have been down at my summer place again to be with my mom.
It is still very heavy and I can suddenly burst into tears no matter where I am if reminded of something, a place, a habit, food or a sign of what he was doing just before...
My mom still seems to be in shock phase so although I’m not really in the best place to encourage or entertain I can at least be there next to her and share her moments during the day.
Spring is in full bloom trying to make its best to soothe and comfort.
Her little “hut” down at the beach will be out on the market soon so if you already now know of anyone who has a dream of having a traditional “badhytt” let me know!
I’m completely exhausted, listless and have no spirit at all but, even then I get a warm feeling in my heart looking at the white blanket of “stars” covering the ground, my dog and my beautiful family, in this case Bella was the one keeping me company, and I’m so happy for life.
I still think it is amazing how strong joy and laughter are and how those qualities manage to squeeze in to someone’s sadness and grief just to lift the mood for a second and give it a break.
Keep hugging each other and tell important people in your life that you love them!
🦋🦋🦋
Sad...
One of the most devastating experiences must be when the light of someone in your family ( in my case my dad), suddenly switches off.
All these emotions fighting to get the most attentions...
Sadness, disbelief, anger, hate, grief, guilt but also love, gratefulness and confidence.
I feel like I’m being hit by waves from a stormy sea.
I know the storm will calm down eventually and that the waves will keep on coming but less frequent, less powerful and with enough time in between to let us catch our breath.
It it has been so weird.
So many tears and then suddenly a memory that brings a smile to our lips and we are desperately clinging on to that positive thought to give ourselves a little break. And then a few tears again...
Luckily we are four sisters.
Between us we share hugs, tears, encouragements, memories and laughs.
Together we are strong and able to help out our mom who suddenly only feels half...
We can never replace that other half but we sisters will make sure to do our best to fill the ”hole” with love, quality and tons of connection and affinity.
But for now, the most important is to try to keep our heads above the surface and wait for the storm to calm down.
Grief is the price we pay for love and oh so much love we got from you dad...
🦋🦋🦋
Spring around our house
Cuckoo!
I just love this time of year!
The sun, the weak signs of warmth, the tension in the nature and of course the light.
Since It is our first spring in this house I have no idea what is hidden below the earth and maybe ( hopefully) just waiting to pop and spread beauty all over our yard.
Me and my daughter took a little stroll trying to find out...
We did not find a lot though but we both could feel the activity going on and that was good eneough.
Ice is finally gone so greeted by this splashing sound from small waves meeting the dock.
Birds seem to be as happy as we are for this new season to arrive.
Have to pinch myself in my arm just making sure I’m not dreaming...
Our world is so beautiful and I’m feeling so grateful that I’m here to experience it:)
Happy weekend!
Tjingeling
The spring effect
Cuckoo!
This passed Easter holiday we were spending in our other home made me open my eyes for our new house in Stockholm.
I walk around in my rooms just feeling in the atmosphere.
Much more positive now than before. I wonder if spring is involved in that? 😉
The sun welcomed us back and seems to continue to sprinkle a golden glimmer to everything around me. Even peoples mood got a dose of that positive energy judging by all the smiles greeting me:)
I decorate with fresh flowers all over and open the glass doors to the back.
The easiest way to lift the energy in a home.
Of course to clear all the clutter is also important but I’m happy to cheat a little and enjoy the effect spring still has on me and our house.
Maybe it’s going to be good in the end?!
My house and me:)
Tjingeling
Walk and talk
Cuckoo!
Our week in our summerhouse came to an end and now we are back in reality again:)
It was a week which offered familytime, different weathers, lots of food, many hugs and togetherness.
Not very often, but sometimes I managed to lur my husband out for a walk and of course that was much easier when the sun decided to keep us company...
Walks give you fresh air, get the ciculation going and give you a beautiful opportunity to talk to each other.
Dreams, problems, plans, kids yes everything is being covered during a walk:)
And with that beautiful scenery around us I could have talked for hours...
Even the snow, that wrapped this part of Sweden in a soft white blanket for a couple of days, did its best to add an extra dose of beauty both to our walk and to the landscape.
Yup, definitely feeling grateful:)
Tjingeling
An ordinary Wednesday
Cuckoo!
Finally!
Even down here in the south of Sweden spring announced its entrance today:)
Melting snow, bird song and sunshine.
So frikkin welcome!
The light is magical and so wholesome for both body and soul.
An early morning run/bike ride in this scenery makes for a good rest of the day:)
I eventually prioritized reading a book today too. I’ve been doing other things these passed days but today it felt right to wrap myself in a blanket, a nice cup of tea in one hand and a book in the other.
I cant think of a better way to spend a Wednesday in my summer place.
Tjingelng
